I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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