Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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