Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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