I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
