can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
