Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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