From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
