I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
