the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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