i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
