3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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