Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
