Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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