he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
