I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
