Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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