I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
