I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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