I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
