Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
