I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
