I molested 6 butterflies tonight
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
