idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
