Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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