Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize