i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
