Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
