They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Boobs are out for the taking
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
