I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
