Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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