yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
