The maid of honor just puked.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My vagina just clenched in fear
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
