someone get that fucking seahorse.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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