let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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