i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
4 words: hood of his car
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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