My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize