I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
