I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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