yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
