i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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