I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
