I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
