Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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