Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
