Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
