If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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