we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
