my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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