somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
