you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
