guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
