i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're a waste of cheezeits
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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