Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The air was thick with penises
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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