areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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