i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
