im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
