just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
