you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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