walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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