Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize