I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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