i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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