Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
