Can i not drive my cunt home
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He passed out mid-signature
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
