70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
