Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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