I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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