I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
