it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
