My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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