Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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