There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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