You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
His nipple licking is glorious
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