I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
