You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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