you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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