either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
