Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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