My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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