you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
