i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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