i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
