she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
