we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
