so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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