after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
