i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
