I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
