Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's never too late to be topless.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
