So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Randomize
