so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
