Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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