Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
