can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
