in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
