mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
