ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
