I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
