:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize