then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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