I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize