I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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