That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
