Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
